


Not For Me

by MellyHorror



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-15
Updated: 2015-02-15
Packaged: 2018-03-13 03:24:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3365927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MellyHorror/pseuds/MellyHorror
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The nightmares are bad, but Carmilla knows just what to do.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not For Me

“Tell me you didn't do it for me.”

Carmilla can't say for sure when it started, she's almost positive it was long before Danny pulled her out of the pit, but she knows for sure that she's helpless to stop it, that no matter what she does she can't make the feelings go away, she can't make the guilt disappear, she can't make the nightmares stop, but she can do one thing.

She pulls Laura into her arms, holding her close and rubbing small circles on her lower back as Laura's fingers claw into her shirt, her entire body shuddering with the force of her sobs, with the sound of her begging, “please tell me you didn't do it for me.” over and over and over again. 

Each time the words pass Laura's lips Carmilla feels her heart fracture, of course she did it for her, everything she does she does for Laura, but she knows that wont help, that it is not what she needs to hear, and she swallows the pain in her chest and whispers, “No, I didn't do it for you, Laura.” and it may take a few tries, but eventually those words break through the sobbing and Laura slowly stops crying and falls back to sleep, curled tightly against her, like Carmilla is her only anchor to the world.

Laura is okay during the day, acting like nothing ever happened, she smiles and she laughs and she goes to class and talks to her friends and kisses her girlfriend and she's okay, and everything is back to the way it should be, but then the sun goes down and she wakes up with a jump and she's crying again and Carmilla's heart is breaking and she doesn't know what to do, so she just holds her and lies to her, telling her what she needs to hear to make the monsters go away.

Carmilla's pieced it together, after the first few nights. Things she's learned from Laura when she's not in her crying state. 

Her mother died in a car crash on the way to pick her up after she'd snuck out and got lost, her best friend broke his arm getting her an orange from a tree after Laura's rolled down the hill and got ran over by a truck, Kirsh nearly got killed taking Laura's place with the Dean, and then Carmilla herself-she'd gone to get the sword and leapt right into that pit with it- all for Laura.

But Laura doesn't need that guilt or that pressure, so Carmilla lies, and she makes sure everyone else does too, and she holds her girlfriend and whispers in her ear, and kisses her head and protects her the best she can from the guilt. Some nights she even slips into her dreams, walking beside her and swatting at the bad ones, keeping them from starting another storm inside Laura's heart.

Everything she does is for Laura, but Laura can never know.


End file.
